Archive for August, 2014

Skit for Mission’s Conference

AN AMERICAN PASTOR VISITS A NATIONAL WORK

NATIONAL: Today we have a great American evangelist who has come to speak to us. I have been asked to interpret because he does not speak our language.
PASTOR: Thank you brother, I am so happy to be here. I would also like to say thank you for a very unique lunch.
NATIONAL: He says thank you for giving him the only meal he has had.
PASTOR: I have to admit that the food made butterflies in my stomach.
NATIONAL: What did you say?
PASTOR: I have butterflies in my stomach.
NATIONAL: It seems that he has taken some flies into his stomach.
PASTOR: But really, I liked it. It was good I really enjoyed it.
NATIONAL: He think he liked the flies!
PASTOR: Yes! it was good. I enjoyed it!
NATIONAL: He really liked the flies!PASTOR: I want you to know that I am just tickled pink that you have invited me here.
NATIONAL: It seems that this man has broken out in a rash and has been scratching all over until he has turned pink in places.
PASTOR: I am especially ecstatic about the topic you have asked me to address.
NATIONAL: I guess there is a great deal of elastic in his dress today!
PASTOR: My topic is “How to get people involved in spiritual ministry”.
NATIONAL: He is going to tell us how to get people involved in ministering to spirits.
PASTOR: You see there are too many Christians in America running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
NATIONAL: What are they doing?
PASTOR: Running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
NATIONAL: In this man’s country there are many Christians suffering persecution. They are just killing people by cutting their heads off, then they run around for awhile, I don’t know why.
PASTOR: But their testimony is not worth a hill of beans!
NATIONAL: Their testimony is not worth a mountain of vegetables.
PASTOR: It is time to get on the ball for Jesus.
NATIONAL: It is time to play sports for Jesus.
PASTOR: Part of the problem is with the pastors.
NATIONAL: Part of the problem is you pastors.
PASTOR: They don’t wait upon God.
NATIONAL: They don’t take good care of God.
PASTOR: They are always jumping the gun.
NATIONAL: What! What are they doing?
PASTOR: Jumping the gun.
NATIONAL: Jump?
PASTOR: Yes, jumping the gun.
NATIONAL: Oh, yes. They are putting a gun on the ground and jumping up and down on it!
PASTOR: They are always shooting off their mouth.
NATIONAL: What?
PASTOR: Shooting off their mouth.
NATIONAL: Whooo. Then they take the gun and shoot off their lips;
I don’t know why.
PASTOR: Then they stick their foot in their mouth.
NATIONAL: Then after they have just shot off their lips, they put their foot into their mouth.
PASTOR: Meanwhile, there is the problem of just being lackadaisical.
NATIOAL: Meantime there is the problem of laxatives.
PASTOR: Give your congregation a reason to be glued to their seats!
NATIONAL: Glued?
PASTOR: A reason to be glued to their seats.
NATIONAL: Now then, listen very carefully. When people come into your church just put something sticky down so when they sit, they cannot get up again.
PASTOR: I know how it is getting ready for church.
NATIONAL: I know how it is to prepare for church.
PASTOR: It is late Sunday morning.
NATIONAL: It is late Sunday morning.
PASTOR: The kids are in the yard getting dirty like pigs.
NATIONAL: Kids?
PASTOR: Yes, you know, you have kids too.
NATIONAL: Yes, they have some baby goats in the yard and they are beginning to look like pigs.
PASTOR: Then you bring them into the house.
NATIONAL: they bring them into the house!
PASTOR: Yes, and you put them into the bath tub.
NATIONAL: You do? You put the baby goats into the bathtub!
PASTOR: And you begin to wash the mud off of them.
NATIONAL: And they begin to just wash the mud off of them.
PASTOR: In the meantime your wife is busy making up her face.
NATIONAL: Uh, what is she doing?
PASTOR: Making up her face.
NATIONAL: Ah, yes, your wife is making her face happy for Jesus.
PASTOR: You step outside and it’s raining cats and dogs.
NATIONAL: Ay, yey, yey You step outside and small animals start to fall out of the _sky!!!
PASTOR: About that time your wife’s hairdo falls in her face.
NATIONAL: What, what falls in her face?
PASTOR: Your wife’s hairdo falls in her face.
NATIONAL: Hairdo? Ah, yes! It seems his wife is hit in her face with one of small animals falling from the sky.
PASTOR: It’s enough to make your head spin.
NATIONAL: The blow makes her head rotate.
PASTOR: It’s enough to make you go bananas.
NATIONAL: I’m not sure why but tropical fruit is coming in here from
somewhere.
PASTOR: Well, you finally get to church.
NATIONAL_ Thank God!
PASTOR: And by the time you get there, you aren’t even thinking
about God.
NATIONAL: By the time you get to this church, you don’t even want to think
about God.
PASTOR: You are mad at your wife and your kids.
NATIONAL: You become insane with your wife and these baby goats.PASTOR: You are so upset you begin to chew your wife out.
NATIONAL: Well…you become so angry with your wife you begin to
bite her.
PASTOR: People are just sitting like bumps on a log.
NATIONAL: People are sitting on fallen trees.
PASTOR: Your wife is trying to smile.
NATIONAL: Your wife is just trying to laugh.
PASTOR: Everybody can tell you have just chewed her out.
NATIONAL: Everybody can see you have bitten her; I suppose the teeth marks are still there.
PASTOR: I see now the clock is flying and I must rush to a
conclusion.
NATIONAL: It seems that this man had a vision of the clock flying and giving people concussions.
PASTOR: What you need to do is get into your closet to pray.
NATIONAL: Get into the Water Closet?
PASTOR: Any kind of closet.
NATIONAL: What you need to do is to go into the bathroom and pray.
NATIONAL: You need to go to the altar and get a hold of the horns of the altar.
NATIONAL: What, what did you say?
PASTOR: Yes. Yes, you must get hold of the horns of the altar.
NATIONAL: Ah, yes. Do you remember those baby goats? They must have horns
and you must go get a hold of the horns.
I don’t know why.
PASTOR: We need pastors with enough guts to fast and pray fire into God’s house.
NATIONAL: We need pastors with big guts who can fast and pray until the church catches on fire!
PASTOR: Now, if you will follow my instruction…
NATIONAL: Now if you will talk just like I do…
PASTOR: The power of God will sweep over you.
NATIONAL: God will hit you with a broom.
PASTOR: Every word I am telling you is in the Bible.
NATIONAL: This man thinks that everything he says is in the Bible.
PASTOR: I hope that someday you can come to America and preach at our church.
NATIONAL: He hopes that someday I can go to America and straighten out this poor man’s theology!
PASTOR: I want to thank you for the opportunity to share these special insights from the Word, it has really been great.
NATIONAL: Even though we know that this evangelist from America is very crazy, we must not offend him so let us all stand and clap our hands.

Are You Discouraged on Your Journey?

When I accepted Christ as my Savior, He ordered my steps and set me on a journey through life. His desire was to keep me moving and to bring me closer to His eternal heart. The most amazing part of my journey is that He goes with me each step of the way. I came across this poem in my files, and it once again reminded me of the importance of staying close to my Guide  and His Guidebook on my  journey.

May you feel His presence today as you journey toward home (heaven).

The Father spoke, “Come, child, let us journey together.” “Where shall we go, Father?” “To a distant land, another Kingdom.” “So will the journey be long?” “Yes, we must travel every day.” “When will we reach our journey?” “At the end of your days.” “And who will accompany us?” “Joy and Sorrow.” “Must sorrow travel with us?” “Yes, she is necessary to keep you close to me.” “But I only want Joy.” “It is only with Sorrow that you will know true Joy.” “What must I bring?” “A willing heart to follow Me.” “What shall I do on the journey?” “There is only one thing you must do— “Stay close to Me. Let nothing distract you. Always keep your eyes on Me.” “And what shall I see?” “You will see My glory.” “And what will I know?” “You will know My heart.”

The Father stretched out His hand. The child, knowing the great love her Father had for her, placed her hand in His, and she began her journey.

               Things I Must Remember on My Journey

• I must begin each day’s journey with a daily commitment to travel toward the heart of God.  Deuteronomy 6:5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

• Although some of  the days on my journey will be discouraging, I must draw near to Him.  Psalms 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.

• I must follow His paths of mercy and truth.  Psalms 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.

• I must lay down all my emotional burdens, release old hurts, and learn to travel light.

• I must not get angry with my traveling companions of Joy and Sorrow. James 1:3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

• I must constantly check with my Guide and follow my Guidebook. Psalms 40:8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.