Mother Day Archives

An Open Letter to the Dad Looking at Porn

Dear Dad,

I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this effects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well. I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman.

First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing. Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.

As far as modesty goes, you tried to talk with me about how my dress affects those around me and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions however told me that I would only ever truly be beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Your talks with me meant nothing and in fact, just made me angry.

As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. I also learned to trust you less and less as what you told me didn’t line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for me and not just a pretty face. When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as a pretty face in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life. I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was his struggle with pornography. I’m thankful to God that it is something that hasn’t had a grip on his life. We still have had struggles because of the deep-rooted distrust in my heart for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be this: Porn didn’t just affect your life; it affected everyone around you in ways I don’t think you can ever realize. It still affects me to this day as I realize the hold that it has on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography and its far-reaching greedy hands. When I tell him about how pornography, like most sins, affects far more than just us. Like, I said, I have forgiven you. I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my life in this area. It is an area that I still struggle with from time to time, but I am thankful for God’s grace and also my husband’s. I do pray that you are past this and that the many men who struggle with this will have their eyes opened.

Love, Your Daughter

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Love (Read I Corinthians 13) Is God’s love evident in your home? Are you patient, kind, not jealous, not prideful, and not easily provoked? Do you rejoice when your child does something good or truthful? Do you bear all things? Do you believe the best? Do you hope in all situations? Do you endure all things?

This kind of love is only possible as you yield to the Holy Spirit and allow His supernatural love flow through you.

Spiritual Leadership (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Ephesians 6:6; I Timothy 4:7-8) Do you bring Christ into your home through natural sharing of what He is doing in your life? Do you read God’s Word and discuss it with your children? Do you pray together as a family? Do you encourage your children by your example of self-discipline for the purpose of godliness? If your children are Christians, do you teach them how to have their own quiet time with the Lord?

Time (Titus 2:4-5) Are you too busy to spend time with your children? Are other things more of a priority? Does the time you spend with your children include play as well as work?

A mother needs to be available in all kinds of circumstances to develop rapport, to be an example, and to teach.

Disciple (Proverbs 29:15) Do you faithfully set down standards and carry out discipline consistently and fairly? Are you too permissive?

Authoritarianism (Ephesians 6:4) Are you a loving leader to your children? Are you provoking your children to anger? Are you overbearing, critical and intolerant?

Mothers are not to try to create their children into their own image.

Humility (Philippians 2:3) Are you seeking to portray a false sense of perfection? Are you trying to make it look like you don’t struggle with sin in your life? Do your children see your sorrow and repentance for your sin? Do you show yourself to be a servant to others or do you expect others to serve you? Do you seek forgiveness from your children?

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Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter’s departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough” The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.”  They kissed, and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”  “Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this ‘a forever good-bye’?” The mother shared with me. “I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,”

I then asked the woman, “When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough’. May I ask what that means?” She began to smile, “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. “When we said ‘I wish you enough’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”.

Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.  I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess .I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person; an hour to appreciate them; a day to love them; and an entire life to forget them. I shall never forget the day that I witnessed a loving mother giving her daughter a forever good-bye.

Author Unknown-Copied from my files

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When my children were small,  I remember continually thinking, “What will my children think of me when they are twenty, thirty, or even forty years old?” I wanted to create memories for them that would last throughout their lifetime.  

Mother, what kind of memories are you creating for your children. Will they remember the times that you?

  • Knelt beside their beds and prayed with them
  • Took them on walks and talked to them about God’s wonderful creation
  • Memorized Scripture with them
  • Shared with them about God’s wonderful provisions and sovereignty
  • Hosted missionaries in your home
  • Read Bible stories and fun stories aloud to them
  • Listened to godly music while traveling and doing errands

It is so sad that some mothers are creating bad memories for their children. Will they remember the times that you?

  • Sat in front of the television and watched immoral programs
  • Yelled and fought with their fathers
  • Told them how stupid they were when they were just being children
  • Constantly criticized them
  • Became so involved with your own pleasures and hobbies that you did not have time to love and to nurture them
  • Listened to music about sex and immorality

Mothers, your children will remember!  You are creating memories. Make sure that that those memories are good ones.

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Be an Authentic Christian Mother

We can talk a good talk, but are we being authentic Christian mothers. Our children will know the difference. Here are a few things to remember when training your children to love the Lord.

1.     Cultivate a love in their hearts for Jesus. Demonstrate to them that you depend on the Lord for everything.

2.     Make sure your activities exhibit your love for the Lord. Do this by weaving spiritual lessons into your daily conversations and seizing every opportunity to speak of God.   Children are visual learners. What they see will impact them more than what they hear.

3.    During each day, make your child thirsty for God by playing cheerful Christian music in your home and car.

4.     To help prepare your children for future battles, memorize God’s Word with them .

5.     Tape Bible verses in conspicuous places to remind your children of your faith  in God.

Children must have an anchor that is beyond themselves. Their anchor must be in the principles of God’s Word.  

Remember this about your child’s heart:

  • By nature, his heart is sinful.
  • He needs you to hold him accountable and teach him to have good character.
  • Your example is shaping his view and  trust of God.
  • He feels secure when there is harmony and structure in your home.
  • Because he lacks discernment, he needs you to help him to distinguish between good and evil.
  • When he stumbles, he needs your unconditional love to teach him forgiveness and grace.
  • Your time is more important to him than your gifts.
  • Please never give up on him or stop praying for him.
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Mother, Take the Time!

I used to race, I used to hurry, I used to fret and frown and worry.
My children thought they had new names-“Hurry Up” and “We’re Gonna Be Late”!
Even when we were at home-laundry, cleaning, answer the phone.
I never had the extra time to sit and cherish these children of mine.
But in His grace the Lord broke through
And I saw everything anew.
We have but only a few days here, to love and share and pull them near.
And while there’re things that must be done,
Our lives are like the setting sun.
While its light is burning bright, before we face, alone, the night,
Let’s stop the madness of this race-
Let’s take back a slower pace!
Look into those grinning faces,
Plan your day with lots of spaces.
Grab a hand and take a walk, listen while your children talk.
Let them show you childhood things,
Take turns laughing on the swing.
Snuggle up beside the fire, kiss the hurt left by a brier.
Meet them with a morning smile, go out and fish a little while.
Choose carefully how you spend your time.
Don’t wait until you suddenly find
The wrenching grief of a heart that aches
Who loved too little and found out too late.
(Kelly Crawford)

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Adopt a Mother for Mother’s Day

 Mother-Daughter Banquets and Mother’s Day

A Mother-Daughter Banquet and a special Mother’s Day service are two great activities which can bond mothers and daughters together and create wonderful memories for them.

Although a Mother-Daughter Banquet can be great, do not lock yourself into having the same kind of banquet every year. Maybe one year, have a Mother-Daughter Banquet, and the next year have a Mother-Son Banquet.

 Mother’s Day is always a good time for members to invite visitors to services. If  a member is not able to invite his own mother, encourage him to adopt a mother for the day. Promote the day by telling  members that every mother present on that day will be given a gift.  You can order inexpensive mothers’ gifts for all mothers through http://www.ctainc.com.

Mother’s Day is also a good day to recognize the oldest mother, the youngest mother, the mother with the most children present in services, and the mother who traveled the longest distance to be in services. Choose your own criteria for recognizing special mothers. Small plants or books make great gifts to give these special mothers on that day.

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Dear Mom,

Since I can’t spend Mother’s Day with you, I am writing you a letter. Mom, I love you so much. There are many things that I didn’t understand when I was young, but I understand them now.  I didn’t have any idea how hard you worked, and the burdens you carried until I traveled the road myself. I didn’t know how rough it was when you were having trouble with Dad and us kids, but now I know. I didn’t realize how lonely you were until I was lonely. I didn’t realize how I hurt you, until I was hurt the same way by my own children. I didn’t know how many times I could have made you happy by just saying, “I love you, Mom.” But now I know, because those are the words I long to hear from my own kids.  When I was growing up, we had our share of battles. I remember how I thought you were too hard on me because you insisted that I keep my room clean, turn off the TV and do my homework, hang up my clothes, do chores around the house, and write thank-you notes right away. You made me do a lot of things I didn’t want to do. You said it was good for my character. I couldn’t see the connection, and I thought you were nuts. But now I have kids of my own, and I understand a lot better. I am grateful that you didn’t let me wear you down.  I remember your strength; it gives me strength with own kids. It seems like I found the times for everything and everyone but you. It would have been easy to drop in for a cup of tea and a hug, but my friends came first. Would any of them have done for me what you did? I doubt it. I remember the times you called on the phone, and I was in a hurry to get off. It makes me ashamed. I remember, too, the times I could have included you when my family had outings, but I didn’t. It took me all my life to learn what a mother is. I guess it’s impossible to know until you become a mother yourself. Believe me, now I know how rough you had it and how terrific you are. Time has a  way of slipping away. We become so involved in living from one day to the next that before we know it, the tomorrows are yesterdays. I hope this letter gives you an idea of how much I admire and respect you, Mom, you are the greatest!

 

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Songs to Use for Mother-Daughter Gatherings

Song: Mother, Mother I’ve Been Thinking
Tune: Rueben, Rueben

Mother, Mother, I’ve been thinking
This would be a brighter day,
If there were no dirty dishes,
To be washed and put away

Daughter, Daughter, I’ve been thinking
This would be a real fine day,
If you would do all the dishes
Bright and clean and put away.

Mother, Mother, I’ve been thinking,
Life would be so easy then,
What a lovely world this would be
If we left them for the men.

Daughter, Daughter, I’ve been thinking,
If the men our jobs would take,
Then we’d have to work much harder,
Cleaning up the mess they’d make.

Mother, Mother, I’ve been thinking,
Housework’s such an awful bore,
Let’s agree between each other
We won’t do it anymore.

Daughter, Daughter, I’ve been thinking,
If each chore were quickly done,
Each one sharing in the doing,
Then we’d both have time for fun!

Song: Mothers and Daughters Together
Tune: There Shall Be Showers of Blessings

Verse 1
Mothers and daughters together
Serving the Lord Whom we love,
Taking the message to others,
The message of Christ and His love.

Chorus
Mothers and daughters,
Serving the Lord Whom we love,
Telling the world of the Savior
Telling of Christ and His love

Verse 2
Mothers and daughters together
Living each day for the Lord,
Making our lives a sweet witness
Our pattern, His own precious Word

Chorus
Mothers and daughters,
Serving the Lord whom we love,
Telling the world of the Savior
Telling of Christ and His love

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