Given To Hospitality

You could use these various illustrations for Ladies’ Teas.

Parable of the Teacup

A young couple was in a unique gift shop looking for the perfect gift to celebrate their engagement anniversary. Their eyes caught a perfectly beautiful teacup. As they talked about its fantastic beauty, they reached for the cup. Just then the teacup spoke and said, “You don’t understand. I have not always been a teacup. There was a time when I was a lump of red clay. My master took me and molded me. He patted me over and over.”

“Let me alone!!” yelled the teacup.  “Not yet,” said the master. He then placed me on a spinning wheel. I spun around and around and around. “Stop it! I’m getting dizzy! I cried.

Then the master nodded, “Not yet!” Finally the door opened. Wheeee! He put me on a shelf, and I began to cool. “There, that’s better,” I said. Suddenly he brushed me with paint all over. The fumes were so awful that I began to gag. “Stop it! Stop it!” I cried. He only nodded, “Not yet.” He then put me back in the oven. This oven was twice as hot as the first one. I just knew that I would suffocate. I begged and pleaded and screamed and cried. I could see through the opening that he was saying, “Not yet.” It was then that I gave up all hope. Suddenly the door opened, and he took me out of the oven and placed me on the shelf. About an hour later, he handed me a mirror and said, “Look at yourself.” I took the mirror and looked in it and said, “That’s not me. That couldn’t be me. Why, that’s beautiful.”

The master softly spoke these words to me, “I want you to always remember that I knew it would hurt you when I rolled and patted you, but if I had left you as you were, you would have dried up. I knew it made you dizzy to spin around the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew when I put you in the oven; it would be hot and uncomfortable. But you see, if I had not put you there, you would have cracked. I knew the fumes were horrible when I painted you, but if I had not painted you, you would have never hardened, and you would not have any color to your life. If I had not put you back in the second oven, you would not have survived very long, because your hardness would not have held together. Now you are a finished product. You are exactly what I had in mind when I first began with you.”

Ladies, we must remember that God might send difficult times into our lives, but He doesn’t do it because He hates us; He loves us very much. It may be during those times that you feel like screaming out, “Let me alone.”  But, oh, think of His finished products. Your (products) lives will not only be beautiful, but they will be glorifying to Him.

This could be an opening line  for a program

Having tea together reminds us of gentler times of long ago when the ladies were able to sit down, relax, and enjoy drinking tea with their friends. We have set aside this time for you to relax, to forget your worries, and to enjoy each other’s company.

Various Quotes About Tea

There’s no trouble so great that it cannot be diminished by a cup of tea.

If you are cold, tea will warm you. If you are too heated, it will cool you. If you are depressed, it will cheer you. If you are excited, it will calm you.

It is strange how a teapot can represent (at the same time) the comforts of quietness, yet the pleasures of company.

Each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage back in time.

A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Let’s Be Friends Forever

Come, let’s have some tea and talk about pleasant things. Let’s make our friendships stronger and invent ways to make our friendships grow. Let’s love each other more and continue to overlook each other’s mistakes. Let’s determine to help each other succeed. Let’s be friends forever.
                                                           A  friend loveth at all times Proverbs 17:17

Ways To Help Make Your Husband Become Your Best Friend

It is important that you not usurp your husband’s  position of leadership. Your husband wants to love you, but if you take over his leadership, he begins to compete. When he begins to compete, he loses his feeling of love for you. Show him that you respect and admire him. Don’t make him feel that you can do things just as good or better. Begin to really listen to him and give your advice sparingly. Pro 18:13…don’t answer a matter before you even hear it. As wives, we are emotional beings and have trouble listening. Listen to him with your eyes; it is a clear sign that you are interested in what he has to say.

Do some fun things together. Walks, hiking, metal detector, exercise, etc.
Think of ways you make your husband’s life better. Don’t put off doing things he asks you to.
Keep organized! When he needs to find something, he will be proud of your organization skills.
Keep laundry done.
Work at keeping his time at home relaxed.
Treat him with courtesy.
If possible read the Bible and pray together.
Don’t make him feel guilty if he doesn’t come up to your standard of spirituality.
Don’t allow yourself to become stagnant. Become aware of world news and events. Keep yourself fresh by remaining an interesting person.

Go to 1 Corin 13:4-7 and substitute the word love with the word wife.

A wife is longsuffering. A wife is kind. A wife doesn’t envy or boast. A wife is not proud. A wife is not rude. A wife doesn’t always seek her own way; A wife doesn’t get angry quickly, A wife doesn’t keep tract of wrongs. A wife always trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

Strength as the Pastor’s Wife

It happens without warning. One day you are a wife and mother; Whoosh–the next day you are a pastor’s wife. You feel like Sarah when Abraham came home and told Sarah, “We are moving! I don’t know exactly where — but let’s go.

Versatility is a must for a pastor’s wife. She is mostly girl….But there are times, such as when her husband is away and she is mowing the lawn or fixing a flat time on a youngster’s bike that she begins to suspect she is also a boy.

She usually comes in three sizes: Petite, plump, and pregnant. During the early years of her marriage it is often hard to determine which size is her normal one.

She has babies all over the world and measures time in terms of places as other women in years.

It was at Faith Baptist that we all had the mumps…In Cincinnati Dan was saved…”

At least one of her babies was born while she was alone. This causes her to suspect a secret pact between her husband and the church providing for a man to be away in an evangelistic meeting at times such as these.

A Preacher’s wife is international. She may be an Iowa farm girl, a French mademoiselle, a Japanese doll or a German Fraulein. When discussing pastoral problems, they all speak the same language.

She can be a great actress. To heartbroken children at moving time, she gives an Academy Award performance: “Arizona is going to be such fun!! I hear there are Indian reservations…and tarantulas…and rattlesnakes.”  But her heart is breaking with theirs. She wonders if this is worth the sacrifice.

An ideal Pastor’s wife has the patience of an angel, the flexibility of putty, the wisdom of a scholar and the stamina of a horse. If she dislikes money, it helps. She is sentimental, carrying her memories with here in an old footlocker.

One might say she is a bigamist, sharing her husband with a demanding entity called “Duty”. When duty calls, she becomes No. 2 wife. Until she accepts this fact, her life can be miserable.

She is, above all, a woman who married a Preacher who offered her the permanency of a gypsy, the miseries of loneliness, the frustration of conformity and the security of love.

Sitting among her packing boxes with squabbling children nearby, she is sometimes willing to chuck it all…until she heart the firm step and cheerful voice of that lug who gave her all this.

Then she is happy to be …his preacher’s wife.

Special Note: I did not write this, but I found it in my files. If anyone can tell me who wrote this, I will give her credit.

Tips for Choosing Good Coffee
People who really appreciate a good cup of coffee can tell if the coffee beans are fresh and of good quality. Someone once told me that if I would store my coffee beans that I just opened in the freezer or refrigerator, that would keep the beans fresh. My brother-in-law set me straight about that myth.

After my husband’s sister and husband retired, they purchased a coffee plantation in the Rain Forest area of Puerto Rico and began to grow coffee. After visiting their farm a few times, I have discovered that growing coffee takes much labor and thought. They are meticulous about growing and processing their coffee beans. The beans are picked by hand and then processed under specialty coffee parameters. When the properly dried beans are hulled in preparations for roasting, they are distributed to different women on the mountain. These women carefully hand pick out the damaged beans. Only the ideal beans are roasted and used in their brand of coffee. Each time I visit their farm, I learn a few more facts about coffee.

1. Arabica beans produce the best coffee. My brother-in-law discovered some Robusta coffee plants growing on his farm. He explained to me that Robusta is not Arabica. Robusta coffee has more caffeine and is more bitter than Arabica.
2. Robusta beans are the beans that are used to blend with commercial grade Arabica coffee to produce a stronger flavored coffee with a darker tint. Robusta beans are from a different family of coffee and generally cheaper than Arabica beans.The word Robusta refers to the type of coffee beans, not to the “robust” flavor.
3. Never store coffee in freezer or refrigerator. When you store in refrigerator or freezer, it deteriorates the flavor. Always store in an airtight, glass container with a rubber seal and keep in a cool, dark place. Never store in a plastic container.
4. Once you grind the coffee beans, and they are exposed to the air, store immediately. Coffee can lose its flavor within two hours if it is not stored properly.
5. After your coffee is brewed, use a thermal glass carafe to keep the coffee hot. This can keep the coffee hot up to five hours, and it seals in the flavor.
6. Never reheat coffee.

Difference Areas of Coffee Production
Arabian – Coffee is usually high in acid and low in mellowness.
Brazilian – Most of the coffee that comes from Brazil is usually very high in acid.
Caribbean – Of Caribbean coffee the best- know good coffee comes from Jamaica. It is usually very expensive, but it is a full-bodied coffee. Lower priced Jamaica Blue Coffee is a blend.
Central America – Coffee is usually rich and full-bodied. Colombian Supreme is the favorite of most people.
Indonesian – An excellent coffee which is lower in acid than other coffee.
African-This is a full-bodied coffee with exceptional sharp flavors that is medium to dark roasted.
Hawaiian-This coffee is grown on the islands in volcanic soil. It has a rich and earthy flavor. Many people who have visited the islands on vacation, continue to enjoy drinking it, because the distinct flavors of the coffee remind them of their vacation.

Different Roasts of Coffee
American – This is the lightest roast.
Viennese – This coffee is slightly darker than American roast. This makes a good after dinner coffee.
French -Since this is a dark coffee, you should plan to use cream and milk.
Italian – This roast is very dark and makes a good espresso.

Add a nice clip art picture of a woman holding a baby  to this description of Nursery Workers. This could be an insert for a bulletin or  use it  as flyer to hand out to recruit new nursery workers. 

Nursery Workers Description and Qualifications

You will have one of the most important jobs in our church. You will be helping to lay a firm foundation of faith in the lives of the babies and toddlers. Your job will be to care for the babies by holding, cuddling, feeding, and playing with them. You will be their first picture of God and His love for them.

Think of  it! When you care for a baby or toddler of  a visiting mother who attends our services,  this mother will be able to hear the Gospel message  without any distractions, and she might be saved.  What a great reward you will receive for having a part in her salvation!

Qualifications
Growing Christian
Love for babies/toddlers
Know or willing to learn about baby/toddler characteristics
Ability to get along with people
Friendly and cheerful
Willing to serve

If you have a woman in your church who is willing to take on the responsibilities of being a Nursery Director, here are some guidelines that you might use.

Nursery Director Responsibilities
1.  Management nursery staff and recruit volunteers.
2.  Maintain a positive attitude and spiritual attitude.
3.  Check for needed supplies and equipment.
4.  Oversee the cleaning and scheduling of nursery workers.
5.  Mail weekly reminders to nursery workers.
6.  Set up training meetings for new nursery workers.
7.  Write midweek and bulletin inserts.
8.  Change bulletin boards to help give a good impression to new parents.

Special Note: Remind the nursery workers to show the bulletin board to the babies and toddlers while they hold them and play with them. Bulletin boards should be simple phrases. God Loves You. God Is Good…

Characteristics of  a Nursery Child  (1-3 years of age)
Physically-Very active-tires easily
Mentally-Curious, inquisitive, imaginative, strong fear instinct
Socially-Individualistic, self-centered, desire attention, no inhibitions
Spiritually-Natural trust, hunger for love, natural reverence, beginning to sense right and wrong

Do You Have Faith for This Tragedy?

What is faith? I used to have a sign in my office that read Faith is not believing God can but it is knowing that He will.

Webster’s Dictionary for faith is to trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof.

A spiritual definition of faith: Genuine, authentic faith is a faith free of doubt and believes that the things which “God says shall come to pass, will come to pass”.

The acrostic for Faith is FAITH FORSAKING ALL I TRUST HIM.

The faith of the child of God measures his victories and successes. Faith is the way he is saved, and faith is the way he lives the Christian life. Faith is trusting not striving.

Abraham needed faith to step out and claim God’s promises.

Genesis chapter 13:14-18 And the LORD said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward: For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever. And I will make thy seed as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be numbered. Arise, walk through the land in the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will it unto thee. Then Abram removed his tent, and came and dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and built there an altar unto the Lord.

Just like Abraham, we need faith to face trials and difficult times  in our lives.

God wants us to see with our eyes of faith. vs. 15 …land which thou seest. God wanted Abram to see His glory and provision. After we get saved, we attend church services and listen to many sermons. We read devotional books and listen to testimonies of great men and women of God through DVD’s, CD’s, live streaming, etc. Although we attend wonderful preaching conferences and hear the Word of God in many different ways, but, like Job, unless we go through suffering, we don’t really see the LORD and understand His plan for our lives. Job 42:5 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.

What happens to us when our eyes of faith are opened?   Suddenly His Word reveals to us our true thoughts and motives.  As our eyes of faith open, we begin to see our Lord in all His glory and  majesty,  and we want to fall at His feet and worship Him.   

God wants us to hear with our ears of faith. vs. 15 …to thee will I give it. Abraham heard God’s promise-I will, I will, I will.To have ears of faith, we must listen carefully for God’s voice to guide us.

How do I hear God’s Voice?

First, we hear God’s voice by that still small voice in our spirit. 1 Kings 19:12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

Second, we hear God’s voice through His Word. Romans 10:17…hearing the word of God. Word in this verse means communicate. When someone communicates the Gospel to us, we are saved. We hear and believe.

Our fellowship and communication with God opens the door to faith. Our communication with God  should be more than “give me” or  talking at God. Communicationwith the Lord takes place when we begin to share our deepest hurts with Him and allow Him to comfort us through His Word.  As time passes, He gives us wisdom to understand that these trials were designed for our good and His glory. Our faith grows to the place that we learn to pray with the mind of Christ.

 “LORD, not my will but Thine”. Matthew 26:39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

It involves listening and waiting for God’s Word to communicate His truth into our lives. His message will be gentle but strong. When God’s Word comes into our spirits, we will begin to feel His love as never before. When we begin to feel God’s love, His Word  will encourage and energizes us for the mission that He has prepared for us. These will be messages that He designs just for us to hear and messages that draws our spirits closer to His.

God wants us to walk with our feet of faith. vs. 17…arise, walk through the land. Abram stepped out and claimed what God had for him and walked in God’s will.

Ps 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. The path of our life is miraculously designed and ordained by God. It is not by chance that the events of our lives happen but by His sovereign will. Every step that we take is from Him. Think of a captain of a ship. As he steers that vessel, he makes sure that it doesn’t crash into the rocks or run upon the sands. That captain’s goal is to get his vessel into the harbor safely. That is God’s goal for our lives. He is the captain of our salvation, and His goal for our lives is to get our vessels (our lives) into the harbor (heaven) safely.

God delighteth in the ways that He leads His children. Think of a new parent as he watches his baby begins to take his first steps. At first that child hesitates, but day by day, he becomes surer. Then after a few weeks, he is walking everywhere. Jesus is watching our footsteps. He is watching how we walk through our trials and disappointments. He delighteth in the way that we walk when He sees us walking strong and walking in faith.

God wants us to move with faith  when He speaks to us. vs. 18 Abram moved his tent. When God said move, Abraham moved. He moved when God spoke to him. Joshua 1:7 Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law…turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper whitersoever thou goest.

The African impala can jump to a height of over ten feet and cover a distance of greater than thirty feet. If you put that same Impala in a zoo and cage it in an enclosed space, it can’t jump a three foot wall. Why? Because it can’t see where its feet will land. For the children of God, our faith is like that. Our faith is the ability to trust even though can’t see. Our faith frees us to move from thoughts of fear to thoughts of future rewards that await us in heaven.

God wants us to be satisfied with His plan for our lives. vs. 18 Abram was satisfies with what God was doing in his life. He was living in Mamre. The word Mamre means fatness. Fatness in the Bible speaks of experiencing the blessings of the Lord. Abraham sacrificed in Hebron. The name Hebron symbolizes fellowship and worship. It was there in Hebron where Abraham fellowshipped and worshiped the Lord.

Proverbs 19:23 The fear of the LORD tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied. What a wonderful promise. If we fear the Lord, we shall experience satisfaction. It is interesting to look at the word abide. Although we might be going through the deepest trial, we are freed from the fear of the trial because faith has a sure abiding (accepting God’s will) place.

What must we do when we face a tragedy or a severe trial?

Think positive thoughts. Satan wants to fill our minds with negative thoughts. He wants us to doubt our salvation and doubt God’s purpose and will. He wants us to look to our own faith and not to the faith of Jesus. Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.  To develop our faith, we can’t put our faith in our own faith, but we must put our faith in Jesus’ faith. In the book of Hebrews it says…looking unto Jesus. This verse is telling us to look away from everything else except Jesus. We live by the faith of the Son of God, and we are looking to Him for strength, and trusting in His promises and in His grace.

We must focus on positive thoughts of God and His plan for our lives. Positive thinking is not faith. The object of our faith must be the Almighty God.  Salesmen and leaders are taught to think positive and to learn positive thinking techniques. The problem is that they are taught to think positive about themselves. If we look to ourselves, we will always fail. We must fill our minds with positive, constructive thoughts of God and His attributes. Psalm 9:10 And they that know His name will put their trust in Thee. I love to review the names of God because they reinforce my thoughts of God’s character and His attributes.

Jehovah I Am—God never changes. His promises never fail. He is faithful.
Jehovah Jirah—God will provide
Elohim-God is all-powerful creator
El Roy-God who sees me—There are no circumstances in our lives that He can’t see and that He is not aware. Through all these circumstances He sees and cares.
El Shaddai-He is the source of all of our blessings—My problems are not too big for Him to handle.

As we hear and read God’s Word, it  generates our faith. Romans 10:17 Faith comes by hearing-hearing by the Word of God. We must get into God’s Word to get our firm assurance.

I am sure that Jesus’ disciples, followers, and even His mother didn’t quite comprehend why He had to suffer and go to the cross. I am sure that they probably questioned God’s purpose during this horrible time.

John 19:25 Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene.

Only three women were with Jesus at His most dreaded hour. How it must have grieved the heart of the Savior  to witness such a lack of faith and understanding in the very ones who claimed to be His followers.

Many times when we go through a horrible tragedy, we become stunned, disorganized, and disbelieving. Our emotions increase, and we become anxious and fearful. We sometimes even begin to question our faith and God’s purposes. It’s at those times we must choose to move from those negative thoughts of doubt to thoughts of full trust in God’s plan and encourage ourselves through His Word.

There are times in our lives when we get so busy living that we get our focus off the Lord’s will and His plan for this world. When those times come into our lives, the Lord has to send trials or tragic events to remind us that He is still in control. It is usually during those difficult times that we begin to get our focus back on Him and His purposes.

Focus on being thankful. I Thessalonians 5:18 In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Get quiet and get on your knees. Thank the Lord for the experience that you are facing. Let Him know that you don’t understand it, but you know that He have a special plan for for what you are experiencing. Ask Him to fill you with His peace and joy and help you to trust Him through this trial.

Listen for Him to speak to you. It is almost as if I can hear the Lord speak to me in a still small voice during  difficult times, “My child, I know that you can’t see all that I have planned at this time, but trust Me and understand that as you and others around you go through this,  it will prove to be for your good and for My glory.“

Faith is obeying God even when we don’t understand. It is trusting Him with every area of our lives, knowing that He has a purpose for everything that happens to us.

Tips  for  Good Conversation

 Do not talk about questionable and unpleasant things.

Avoid sounding like a know-it-all. Guest’s opinions count too.

Be careful about giving advice which has not been requested.

Avoid using sarcasm to try to get your point across.

Avoid gossiping, because it shows poor taste.

Do not be oversensitive (this blocks good communication).

Avoid bragging. Don’t talk only about you, your ministry, and your family.

To avoid meaningless, boring conversations, keep current on world events.

Avoid the tendency to bore others with the same stories.

Use discretion when talking about your past misfortunes, illnesses, and surgeries.

Be a good listener and be genuinely interested in others.

Be teachable (teachability-the opposite of pride).

Be accepting as you listen to others. When a person does not feel accepted, he will not want to communicate.

Avoid using jargon to try to impress others.

When you receive a compliment, say” Thank you” Do not try to justify or make excuse; receive it with dignity.

Avoid asking questions about prices and the cost of items.

Avoid inquiring about a person’s age (Except inquiring about a child’s age; they don’t mind telling you).

Do not make fun of someone else’s nationality.

Do not correct another person’s story or happening.

Special touches that create warmth and welcome

What is atmosphere? Is it really important in entertaining and showing hospitality? I thought about this for some time and I have come to believe that atmosphere is the most important part of hospitality. Atmosphere is everything that is around you. It is the sounds that you hear. It is the sights that you see. It is the smells you smell. Atmosphere is everywhere. If you hear someone cursing or using the Lord’s name in vain, you have a tendency to shy away from that person because he is creating a negative atmosphere.” Smelling certain odors (good or bad) creates atmosphere.   In entertaining, I want to create an atmosphere where people will feel warm, welcome, and accepted.

One touch that creates warmth and welcome is to play good music. God must have thought music was important because He mentioned it 1028 times in the Bible. Music is very powerful. It can be stimulating, calming, or exciting. Music can provoke a thought or an emotion. Music can create bad memories, or it can create good memories.  Sometimes when I hear music of a past era, that music stimulates my thoughts in an unspiritual way, and it reminds me of events that occurred before I was saved. I hate those carnal thoughts, because they remind me of my ungodly past. When my children were small, our family listened to children’s gospel music as we traveled. Today when my grown children hear those songs, it reminds them of those fun times, and that music stimulates good memories in their minds.

Good music can be therapeutic to the soul. Music is said to lift people out of depression. Think of Saul when he was in his desperate state, he called for David to play music. Music can make stimulate you to feel patriotic, or it can move you to dream of far-away places.

For outdoor events, I don’t want to create the same atmosphere that I would want to create for an indoor event on a cold February evening. During outdoor events,  people will be laughing and talking, while children are running and playing. During indoor events,  guests will be enjoying more peaceful activities and conversation.

To create a calming atmosphere as guests arrive, play soft Christian instrumental music.

Make sure your music is not playing too loud, when your guests are visiting with each other.

While guests are eating meals, play music that will have calming effect.

For overnight guests, play cheerful music such as Celtic or Old English Hymns while your guests are preparing for the day and eating breakfast.

For a Fourth of July picnic, play energetic, patriotic music.

For a Mexican Fiesta, play Spanish music for your background music.

For an Italian dinner, play soft Italian music for your background music.

For a western party, play old cowboy songs for your background music.

Another touch of atmosphere is lighting. When I entertain, I like to dim the lights. Although usually right after I dim the lights, my husband comes through the rooms and turns them on bright. This is a good example of how men and women view things. I like to use low watt light bulbs and many candles. There is just something magical about candle light. It is inviting and warm.

Place votive candles in crystal dishes and place them on a silver tray or mirror.

If you have a fireplace that is not being used, place five or six candles in the fireplace.

If you are trying to create atmosphere in living rooms or parlors, it is better to use lamps rather than overhead lights. (Interior decorators say for best affect, light the four corners of a room with lamps).

Illuminate areas where you can emphasize beautiful displays.

Although candle light is not necessarily for very small children, older children do appreciate its beauty. My grandchildren love it when I use candles for the holiday season and at special meals.

Luminaries can be used to line walkways and driveways, or placed on porches.

Note: A luminary is made by placing a votive candle in a jar filled a quarter of the way with cat litter. Place the jar in white or colored paper bags and position them along a pathway or on a porch. Light luminaries just before guests arrive.

The last touch of atmosphere is smell. My husband and I love to stay in Bed and Breakfast Inns. One summer we stopped in Pennsylvania and stayed in a small home that had been converted into a Bed and Breakfast. When we walked in, the fragrance in the home smelled wonderful. The inn keeper was burning Yankee Candle’s fragrance Home Sweet Home. Today that is one of my most favorite fragrances.

Buy a new candle fragrance and create your own atmosphere of smell. “Why do we love certain houses, and why do they seem to love us? It is the warmth of our individual hearts reflected in our surroundings.”       –T.H. Robsjohn-Gibbings

Tips for a New Pastor’s Wife
Here are a few tips that I have gathered from my own experiences and those of other pastors’ wives who shared their insights with me. I am praying that these tips will help others from making some of the same mistakes that we made.

Think quickly and strategically
A pastor’s wife must be able to see the end result of her words or actions. She must learn to think through various situations in the flash of a moment. She must realize that the reputation of her husband and future of the church is always at stake. This is especially important in church business meetings.  It is not the pastor’s wife job to rescue her husband. A quiet and meek spirit will do more good than her cutting comments. Unkind comments could cause weaker members to leave the church and other members to lose respect for her.

Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous studieth to answer…

 Be willing to sacrifice and remain steadfast during adversity
The pastor’s wife must learn to stand strong and be willing to sacrifice. If she starts complaining about the finances, others will view her as ungrateful and not willing to sacrifice. There will be times of financial crisis and controversies in the church. Finances may be low one year and high the next. If finances are low in the church, she should avoid making showy, extravagant purchases. Even if she can afford those purchases, she may offend those who are on a tighter budget. People often make judgments with limited information.

Jeremiah 12:5 If thou has run with the footmen, and they wearied thee, then how canst thou contend with horses? And if in the land of peace, wherein thou trustedst, they wearied thee, then how wilt thou do in the swelling of Jordan?

Keep confidences
The pastor’s wife usually knows things that aren’t yet ready to be released or talked about publicly. She must be trusted to keep these confidences. She must learn to answer questions without giving out confidential information.Proverbs 2:6 For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of His mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

Release control and delegate responsibilities
The pastor’s wife must wear many hats. Her husband may want her to oversee different areas of the ministry (office, nursery, children’s classes, ladies’ ministries, etc.). As she begins to trust others and delegate responsibilities, she will begin to see the women of the church grow spiritually  and various ministries of the church grow. Proverbs 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hand; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Help your women find places of service
One evangelist made a statement that is often true. He said, “Women initiate most conflicts in churches.”The emotional make-up of women sometimes prevents them from seeing all the facts of certain situations. Helping the women of the church to grow spiritually and helping them find various areas of service could be very beneficial to your ministry.Although the pastor’s wife may have her own area of personal interest, she can help balance different needs within the church. Since the church has a variety of gifted women, she should look for opportunities for these women to exercise their gifts.

An excellent book to read on this subject is Produce the Juice by Steven Currington. There are also free gift analysis tests on the internet. Adrian Rogers, Love Worth Finding, has an excellent booklet Unwrap Your Spiritual Gift.  Here is a sampling of the gifts listed in those books.

Prophecy-one who boldly proclaims the truth (Help other women to get involved)
Service-one who identifies undone tasks in God’s work, however menial, and uses available resources to get the jobs done. (Decorating, office skills on computer, cook meals, many other tasks)
Teaching-one who has the ability to instruct and communicate Bible truths which leads the learners to grow spiritually. (Teach children, ladies, or teens)
Exhortation-one who encourages and comforts others to be all that God wants them to be. (Make visits and send cards to encourage)
Ruler/Leader-one who is able to motivate others to get involved in the accomplishment of special goals. (Organize ladies for various meals, cleaning projects, showers)
Giving-One who shares her resources of time and money with liberality and cheerfulness. (Help raise money or give money for special projects, use gift in ministry of hospitality)
Mercy-One who is sensitive toward those who suffer. It might be physical, mental, or emotional suffering. (Makes hospital or nursing home visits)

Be willing to make unpopular decisions.The pastor’s wife must seek her husband’s counsel and beg for God’s guidance when making decisions for the various issues that might come up in the church. Some decisions that she and her husband make might be unpopular. When unpopular decisions are made, she could even begin to experience feelings of exclusion from the other members. This may lead her to try to change her husband’s mind. Remember, he is the man of God. Your advice and counsel are invaluable to him, but you must not pressure him because of your emotions. When your husband makes a decision, think carefully before you try to convince him to change his mind.
Extra note: There were many times in our ministry that I didn’t agree with my husband’s decisions, and I tried to change his mind. Looking back, I am glad that he used God’s wisdom instead of my emotions to make his decisions.

If people begin questioning you or your husband’s leadership, remember this: It’s not what others think or say about you. The truest thing about you is what God says about you.

Isaiah 43:7…I have created him for My glory.  Col 3:12 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.

Learn to cope with conflicts in the church
The pastor’s wife can’t hide under the bed and wish that all the problems of the church would go away. Conflicts sometimes bring about healthy spiritual changes in the membership. As conflicts arise, the members begin to learn how to handle conflicts in new spiritual ways.

Galatians 6:1 Brethern, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

Don’t feel guilty about spending time with your family.  I spoke with a Pastor’s wife this week and asked her the greatest thing that she had learned as a Pastor’s wife. She shared with me that she and her husband never felt guilty about spending  time with their girls. Whether it was planting a garden or serving the Lord together, they considered it all the Lord’s work.

Psalm 71:18-19 Now also when I am old and gray headed, O, God, forsake me not; until I have shewed Thy strength unto this generation, and Thy power to every one that is to come.

Mother-Daughter Test
 This could be used as a handout for Mother-Daughter Banquet or put in your program.
As the mother, so is the daughter Ezekiel 16:44

1. Do I read my Bible daily?
2. Do I teach my children to read the Bible daily?
3. Do I want to obey God’s word?
4. Do I memorize God’s word?
5. Do I obey my husband?
6. Do I consider motherhood God’s career for me?
7. Am I consistent in training my children?
8. Do I talk over my children’s troubles and pray with them?
9. Do I know where my children stand spiritually?
10. Can I see myself in my children becoming more Christ like?
11. Am I happy where my daughter or son is spiritually right now?
12. Will I let God change the areas where I am wrong?

How did you do? In the Christian life you never arrive. You should always be growing as Christian wives and mothers.
Many times we do things because our mothers did them. One time there was a lady cooking a ham for Christmas dinner. Her husband asked her, “Why do you always slice off the end parts of the ham before you put it in the pan to bake?” She said, “I don’t know, my mother always did that.” She called her mom and asked her why she had always cut the ends off the ham before she baked it. Her mother told her, “Well, my mom always did that”. The daughter and mother went to the grandmother and asked the grandmother, “Why did you always cut the ends off the ham before you baked it?” The grandmother said, “Because I never had a pan big enough to put the ham in.” Many things we do, and we don’t know why we do them. Make sure as Mothers that you are doing Spiritual things that your daughter will remember and follow your example.

Songs You Could Use for Mother-Daughter Gatherings

Song: I’ve Been Thinking
Tune: Rueben, Rueben
Mother, Mother, I’ve been thinking
This would be a brighter day,
If there were no dirty dishes,
To be washed and put away

Daughter, Daughter, I’ve been thinking
This would be a real fine day,
If you would do all the dishes
Bright and clean and put away.

Mother, Mother, I’ve been thinking,
Life would be so easy then,
What a lovely world this would be
If we left them for the men.

Daughter, Daughter, I’ve been thinking,
If the men our jobs would take,
Then we’d have to work much harder,
Cleaning up the mess they’d make.

Mother, Mother, I’ve been thinking,
Housework’s such an awful bore,
Let’s agree between each other
We won’t do it anymore.

Daughter, Daughter, I’ve been thinking,
If each chore were quickly done,
Each one sharing in the doing,
Then we’d both have time for fun!

Song: Mothers and Daughters Together
Tune: There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
Verse 1
Mothers and daughters together
Serving the Lord Whom we love,
Taking the message to others,
The message of Christ and His love.

Chorus
Mothers and daughters,
Serving the Lord Whom we love,
Telling the world of the Savior
Telling of Christ and His love

Verse 2
Mothers and daughters together
Living each day for the Lord,
Making our lives a sweet witness
Our pattern, His own precious Word

Chorus
Mothers and daughters,
Serving the Lord whom we love,
Telling the world of the Savior
Telling of Christ and His love

Are You Glorifying God in Your Role As a Mother?

Love (Read I Corinthians 13) Is God’s love evident in your home? Are you patient, kind, not jealous, not prideful, and not easily provoked? Do you rejoice when your child does something good or truthful? Do you bear all things? Do you believe the best? Do you hope in all situations? Do you endure all things?

This kind of love is only possible as you yield to the Holy Spirit and allow His supernatural love flow through you.

Spiritual Leadership (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Ephesians 6:6; I Timothy 4:7-8) Do you bring Christ into your home through natural sharing of what He is doing in your life? Do you read God’s Word and discuss it with your children? Do you pray together as a family? Do you encourage your children by your example of self-discipline for the purpose of godliness? If your children are Christians, do you teach them how to have their own quiet time with the Lord?

Time (Titus 2:4-5) Are you too busy to spend time with your children? Are other things more of a priority? Does the time you spend with your children include play as well as work?

A mother needs to be available in all kinds of circumstances to develop rapport, to be an example, and to teach.

Disciple (Proverbs 29:15) Do you faithfully set down standards and carry out discipline consistently and fairly? Are you too permissive?

Authoritarianism (Ephesians 6:4) Are you a loving leader to your children? Are you provoking your children to anger? Are you overbearing, critical and intolerant?

Mothers are not to try to create their children into their own image.

Humility (Philippians 2:3) Are you seeking to portray a false sense of perfection? Are you trying to make it look like you don’t struggle with sin in your life? Do your children see your sorrow and repentance for your sin? Do you show yourself to be a servant to others or do you expect others to serve you? Do you seek forgiveness from your children?