Things I’ve Learned About Being a Mom

1. Sometimes you never really do know “how many more miles.”.
2. As soon as you pass the last rest-stop for the next 90 miles, someone will need to stop.
3. No matter how insignificant the trip, always pack a barf bucket.
4. At birthday parties, parents are usually early to drop off their kids, and late to pick them up.
5. The child you are currently dealing with is always treated more unfairly than his siblings.
6. The child you are currently dealing with is always required to do more work than his siblings.
7. You no longer have to lock up your favorite candy stash. Just put it on the stairs under the folded laundry and no one will touch it.
8. If a kid suddenly offers to do dishes or clean the house, it is either for money or wants to go somewhere.
9. If I had to choose one voice in the world to have instead of my own, it would be Daddy’s.
10. Taking your child to the emergency room is one memorable way to spend Mother’s Day.
11. Your teens get more enjoyment out of watching you cry at the sad parts of the video than they do in watching the video.
12. Hearing your teens singing their way through the hymnbook “just for fun” is more gratifying than any CD you will ever buy.
13. “An object at rest tends to stay at rest” is a law written to describe the contents of your child’s bedroom.
14. “An object in motion tends to stay in motion” is a law written by a parent with toddlers.
15. I’ve learned to quickly tell the difference between a good disposable diaper and a bad one.
16. If you say, “It looks like I’ll get to bed early tonight,” you won’t.
17. A child’s thank-you letter takes 25 times as long to formulate as a Christmas/birthday wish list.
18. The people that know best how you should be raising your kids are never free to baby-sit.
19. Your child is always the sickest between midnight and 2 a.m.
20. An Emmy is never more deserved than by a child just asked to clean her room.
21. Taking your child to a walk-in clinic in the middle of Saturday night is a sure way to be ready for Sunday’s service.
22. Fridges were designed because children needed a cardboard box big enough to make a slide or playhouse.
23. Your child driving at 50 miles an hour is suddenly much faster than when you drive at 50 miles an hour.
24. When you help your children with their math homework, you suddenly realize how little you learned in math.
25. The bags under your eyes do not disappear until at least three years after the birth of your last child.
26. Mothers alone hold the secret recipe for refilling ice-cube trays.
27. Nothing is sweeter than leading your own child to Christ.